Do you feel like you can’t measure up?


Have you ever felt like you just don’t measure up to what your spouse wants?  This can feel overwhelming because of the kinds of buttons it pushes.  But take heart, my friends, there is a solution to this issue, and the best part is…it’s you!


If you are wanting immediate help with your relationship, please check out our online library of marriage and parenting courses!

  • Hours of powerful, relationship changing video content
  • In-depth study content, questions, and more
  • An online experience based on our best relationship series like Keys to Loving Lasting Relationships, DNA of Relationships, Smalley Marriage Intensive, Homes of Honor, and so much more



“Just this morning my husband asked me if me not going to the gym today would cause me to complain later today. I felt like I was going to explode in anger for him to say that. How I really wanted to say/ask him at that moment was “do you have any idea why I even stress about going to the gym? Do you have any idea why I have the worst self esteem in marriage? Do you have any idea why I feel the way I do?” I had better self esteem before marriage and now I feel like I never measure up to him. He looks at other woman constantly and I even caught him locking eyes with another woman because he thought I wants to around. I was walking up to him and his back was to me. I was pregnant, he had our 2 year old with him. At that moment I felt like walking away from our marriage. I felt cheated on. I felt like I didn’t know who I married anymore. I did what I wasn’t supposed to and did not bring that situation up until later on. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. I constantly don’t feel like he doesn’t have eyes only on me. Especially when it comes to brunettes (I am really blonde) and fit/thin woman (I am not and had a baby 10 months ago). I am 20 lbs lighter than when we got married and he said he doesn’t notice a difference. I thought that would help but it obviously hadn’t. Is it really just a low self esteem or is there something I can say to my husband to help him understand it slowly kills me inside. I feel worthless. Please help!”

  1. What to do when you don’t feel like you measure up
    1. This listener nailed it when she used the word “worthless”
      1. Your first job is to identify what’s really bothering you…buttons
    2. Now that you’ve identified what the “real” issue is…
      1. Make time to share your feelings and keep it about you.
        1. Not a critical conversation
        2. Easier for your spouse to receive if you keep it about you
    3. Identify what your needs are
    4. Use a word picture if he doesn’t seem to get it
    5. Take ownership of your own part
  2. If they respond well, then
    1. Keep moving forward
    2. Never stop learning
    3. Be the person you want your spouse to be
  3. If they don’t respond well
    1. Prayer is your best friend
      1. Cry out to God for what you need and hope for
      2. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any thing you might be missing about yourself
      3. Desire His will above all else
    2. Have patience
      1. Time truly is your best friend.  Try not to put a time limit to how long you can be patient.
      2. Recognize that you actually don’t need your spouse to change in order for you to be happy
    3. Build community
      1. Take on a mentor of the same sex
      2. Join a bible study
      3. Casey McKowns example of the people he has surrounded himself with

Download the Smalley Marriage Intensive Your Marriage app and make your love list today!

Smalley Marriage Intensive Your Marriage app on:


Google Play

Windows Phone

Amazon App Store

Smalley Institute Online Courses

Also, don’t forget…

If you haven’t left a review yet in iTunes, don’t be shy, it’s easy to do and it really lets me know you’re listening (and others too). Click here.

Submit your story and get a chance to be interview on the show!  We want to hear from you because your stories of hope and transformation will help others!