How to deal with an unsafe spouse


What on earth can you do when you don’t feel “safe” to share your feelings or needs with your spouse? This is a tough one, because in order to share intimate things with your spouse, you need to feel safe. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a even harder rock!

But don’t be discouraged listeners, because I think we can help you. That’s coming up next.

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“I just listened to your podcast “The most damaging thing you can think”. What struck me the most was when the husband was upset after date night when the wife left to go to a friends house. You told him if he didn’t let the wife know what he needed then she needs to move on. I totally get that, I have no idea how to let my husband know what I need. For many years he wasn’t a “safe” place to express myself. Backstory. He was a drug addict. He left us in January 2016 for drugs and a drug female 12 years younger. He has been in recovery since the end of July 2016 and moved home 9/15/16. He is really trying. God has changed his heart (and mine) and we are a work in progress. I would love to share with him what I need, but I don’t have a clue where to start and truthfully I have some fear about taking that step of opening up. Do you have any resources to help? Thank you.”

  1. It’s natural to be worried about opening up again
    1. But do it because that is what God designed us to do
    2. Take the risk, because it’s worth being connected with each other
  2. If you try, but your spouse is still unsafe?
    1. Get help, even if it is just for you
    2. Pray, but specifically for your spouse and your own heart
      1. Pray that God softens his heart
      2. Pray that God guards your heart from bitterness
      3. Pray for someone to specifically come in to your husband’s life (mentor)
    3. Keep trying and don’t quit
    4. Get connected with community
    5. Put a healthy boundary up to protect your heart and head

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