What would you change most about yourself

Last week we had a huge response on what you would want to change in your spouse. This week we are focusing on you! What would be that one big thing you would want to change in your own life? If Amy and I have learned anything over 15-years of helping people, it would be that the longer you focus on someone else’s issue, the longer you suffer.

The best thing we can do is focus on what we need to change. Even if we do not feel like our spouse is responding, we still have to do the right thing when it comes to our own behaviors and attitudes!

So leave us a comment on what you wish you could change about yourself below.

85 thoughts on “What would you change most about yourself

  • I'd like to be more forgiving, not jealous, make godly decisions, have wisdom, trust God more, and not be negative or give my husband the guilt trip.

  • I would change my idea of marriage 15 years ago and would not have entered into another one especially with an abusive alcoholic. I'd also change my need for attention and not allow rejection to bother me as much as it has over my life.

  • I'd like to not worry so much and trust God more, be more positive, more forgiving, make better decisions with God in mind first. I want to go back the giving person I used to be. I would like to not be so angry all the time. Let go of things and be less jeaslous and lazy. There is so much I would like to change!

  • I would like to change my level of affection towards my husband. He is sooo affectionate even after 22 years of marriage. I would like to return the gestures of love in his language and enjoy doing it.

  • I would like to show more affection towards my husband. After 22 years of marriage he still pours it out. I would like to return the gestures and enjoy doing so.

  • I would like to not feel like running every time there is an issue that comes up. I get surrounded in fear of him leaving so I feel like running and leaving so that I don't have to feel the hurt. I have such a fear of abandonement. I always feel like there is no way to resolve the issue so that my only choice is to leave. I don't want to always feel like I want to give up.

  • Letting go and letting God. I struggle with trying to control everything. I get frustrated when I am not in control. I also hate that I am unfriendly/unkind with my husband when I am upset with someone/something else. He is just trying to be supportive.

  • At 50 yrs old, I have noticed resentment creeping in due to failure and disappointment at what I thought my life would be like. I have walked the "christian" road for over 30 yrs and have fallen so many times, so have my husband and kids. I feel like I've been in the desert for all those years. I'd let the sins slip in and rule for a while. I am learning to forgive myself and my family. But still I am working on resentment and disappointment. Sowing to Reap

  • I wished i could let things that bother me go without continually focussing on it. Through this I want to be able to concentrate on the goodness of the Lord

  • Hi Michael, this year will mark my 24th anniversary to a wonderful man. The thing that I'd like to change most right now is to increase my physical desire for him. Right now we have very busy schedules,and oftentimes I'm so physically exhausted the thought of having relations makes me cry. I don't feel a lot of desire, and I feel guilty. I'm praying for this to change. I know I do love him; he's my best friend.

  • Rejoice. Rejoice in all things Phil 4:4. Love inspite of not getting it in return is my sacrifice that Jesus gives me the strength to do. This time is but for a while and I look forward to the eternity to come.

  • I would change my deep rooted desire to fix all the problems of the ones I love… I understand its in my nature as a man to want to protect, but at times all my loved ones want is for me to listen not fret, not advise and not plan to fix… I just need to listen with a more compassionate heart,,,letting go and letting God's will be done

  • Is that out of fear? My husband does the same thing, he leaves rather than stay the course, and trust me it is very frustating. I always thought it was something else, disrepectful even. Hopefully this interaction will help us both improve our situations.

  • The ability to trust. By virtue of my personality type, I have always been very cautious, but when my husband died of cancer, it shattered my ability to trust. We felt that God had placed a calling on our lives to serve in full time ministry, but he died. I have no answers. I am fearful of everything now. Even if a person MIGHT be trustworthy, circumstances are NOT!!!

  • I would love & give love even though I am being treated unlovingly. I would focus more on changing myself for the better instead of pulling away from that personand thinking about the problem.

  • Narcissistic people have been coming into my life for the last three years. God placed them there to get me to look at this since I now know my two older sisters are the same, and I could never figure them out or why they say and do what they do. They don't honor boundary lines, can't reason or do logic with them, and they just disrupt life. I am self employed and a narcissistic person is like a rotten apple and spoils my business. I know this is all here for a reason, to learn and most importantly to understand, but I am overwhelmed with the self-centered…right now I don't feel very empowered to do something that will solve the problem of respect of other as well as my own of time and space. I really want to learn and develop my skill in this area so I can be a blessing to them

  • My wife and I will be celebrating our 28th Anniversary this July.Only by God's Love, Grace and Mercy are we still together. I find it difficult to be totally open & honest- she wants a heart to heart connection with me. I communicate with others well but not her. Would like to have some feedbackplease.

  • What I would change. So many things. If I could I would changed the pass, the times that I hurt my wife, the times that I wasn't supportive. I would change the way that I react, my short temper and my jealousy. I would change the times that I let satan get in my life and open my hurt completely to the Lord. I would have trust God many years ago. I have started to live a christian life many years ago.I would have been a better father, a better husband, and a better friend. Now because of that I have lost everything. I lost my wife and my children.

  • I would have started a new career sooner. I had no idea how insecure and angry my wife was that I have not pushed myself harder for advancement. Now that I understand I am working very hard but it might be to late. I wish I had been able to read between the lines when intimacy was rejected, instead of focusing on the rejection I should have tried harder to understand why she was rejecting me.

  • There are so many things I would like to change. I wish I would've went to college and done what I wanted to do instead of someone else.That way my husband and I wouldnt have to struggle paying bills every week. I would change my job, cause it is awful. I would like to be stress-free and leave where it stands and go on. I would change how I let certain people bother me, I would like to show them I dont care and that they cant run me over or hurt my feelings.

  • I wan't to stop expecting love in return. I want to stop feeling sad when my husband ignores me or like yesterday, our aniversary, he came later than he said he would ti pock me up at work, and came with company. I want stop feeling sorry for myself, also I dont know what to do. Should I continue in this relationship and continue suffering or should I give up and leave.

  • I wish I could be open and honest with my husband about everythig without having low self esteem thoughts of myself. I've been on medicine for Bipolar for 1.5 years and haven't had the guts to tell him about it yet. I'm afraid because I think he'll divorce me if he found out.

  • I would change how I value my self worth. God loves me for who I am so why can't we love ourselves in the same way.

  • There are so many things I don`t like about my self I would have to say there is nothing about my self I like .I would love to change but I don`t know where to start. I know God has created me there for ther is some good.I just can`t see it for my self hated.I would love any info as to where to start.So I can be who God says Iam.Thank you for letting me share this.To just talk to some one is a help.Vicky

  • I have a HUGE fear of failure. Anxiety, depression run rampant daily. I can't seem to get my arms around stuff. I've got a lot going on. Many, many pressures at work. I've lost my sense of passion for something. I use to have a goal in my career. That has passed. My brother and I have started farming the family farm together. We've had a lot of fun doing it. It has been a pastime we both can share together. Our father passed away 4 years ago and the sense of loss remains. I'd love to quit my day job and farm full time, but that won't pay the bills. Pressure at work is all around. I've been working 48 hour weeks since the beginning of 2010. And, I know I should be thankful I have a job and employment, income. I just miss having a passion about something and going after it. How do I find a sense of balance, a passion to do something instead of fearing the worst on a daily basis?

  • I would like to change the world desires of lustfull thought that I have in my life and to be able to have a heart to heart with my wife that we could resolve the issues that are hurting our marriage.

  • I would like to change my lack of courage when dealing with situations in the past. I would have accomplished most of my dreams and be a stronger and fulfilled person.

  • I would like to be free to express and be who I am and not try to be who everyone else wants me to be – that would be free indeed!

  • My husband & I have been separated because he did not believe that I loved him any more – he did not feel important. God is doing amazing things, but put things in perspective right now before you have no options. Your husband – marriage – is more important than a busy schedule and the kids (I'm assuming). If that doesn't work, nothing works. Stop and evaluate your marriage and husband – read of the value and importance God gives it and what he expects from us in relations to our spouse, regardless of how they are. Start looking at your husband with new eyes. The desire and passion is there and don't take what you have for granted. Love and care for him as you would desire your children's spouses to do for them and as you would like for yourself.

  • Facing off with my husband does not make me feel good either. The problem is how I feel about myself. I think I don't place enough value on how I feel or think, whether it is right or wrong. We need to learn to accept ourselves as we are. It is OK to stand by how you feel, and if we are wrong, we can acknowledge that and grow from it. Buy books and start learning about yourself and start stretching and growing into the person you want to be.

  • hi,am happy person and i will like to date someone who is happy and to understand me who i amcoz am single mom.bless u.lyse from germany

  • I would really like to not take things so personally as I often end up taking offense to things that were actually meant in a harmless way. I would also be more accepting of change and become more forgiving !!!

  • I would like to change all the hurt I have caused other people. And also to change the fact that I keep holding on to things that I once had total control over and messed up. I guess you would call that regretting my actions and not seeing the consequenes that I would have to deal with mentally.

  • I really need to wait longer and process better before I respond to sharp or negative words or actions of my husband. To focus on having, from the Lord, a willing spirit, a warm and kind attitude, so I can put his needs first. We are married a long time and I'm still struggling with these issues.

  • When I read this post I wanted to cry. I am reminded of the story of the lost sheep in Like 15. Jesus came looking for YOU. He came because you have worth, you have value, and he loves you.A few words from someone you don't know aren't going to magically change things. I urge you to talk to someone who can help. I am praying for you.

  • Danielle, The truth be told, it IS disrespectful. And my intention is ALWAYS that I'm not going to do it the next time. Yes, it is definitely fear. It's my belief that there are only 2 emotions and everything stems from them. One being love, the other fear. So even when we're angry, underneath the anger is fear of something. For me in this situation, it's abandonment. Try to find out what it is for your husband. Maybe then the two of you can begin to work on that issue and it will eliminate his response. It's not to talk to someone from the other side of it. Thank you for your response!

  • Pastor Dan thank you for answering my comment .It realy touch my heart that some one cared to answer.I would like to look for some one who can help me to work on it.I know if I can`t love myself I can`t love others and God calls us to love .It would be a pleasure to do as god has called us.Thanks for your careVicky B

  • Procrastination is my downfall. At the root of all my failures is my inability to follow through. Why do we do this when we know it is detrmental to our well being?

  • Hi – I've been there and done that too! I'm assuming you're a woman – don't know why and perhaps it doesn't really matter. I went through a huge period of disappointment and the thing that brought my passion back? Cooking! It could be anything – as long as it brings the lust for life back.Try and find out, PLEASE.

  • Thanks for your comments. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you are right, my lust for life is gone at the present time. Its frustrating because I don't know how to fix it / myself. My wife has been so supportive, but I know it weighs on her and my kids also. Again, failure that I'm not teaching my kids / mentoring them well. I've got to find that lust for life back. I've been pleading with God for several months now to open a door that leads me to something more sane / like you say, bring the lust for life back. I continue to search… Again, thanks for you comment. It made me look at it in a little different light. May God keep sending blessings your way.

  • I would change my ability to be assertive and increase my patience. I tend to want people around me to choose willingly and thoughtfully rather than to feeling coerced by me. I hate all the discussing it takes to get to yes. I wish people could just "work the problem" and decide based on the best idea rather than whose idea it was. Most of the time it doesn't matter that much to me, so I usually just roll with whatever other people want. But I really wish I had spoken up in the past when I could see problems coming, knew how to head them off, but just didn't argue because I didn't think I could win.

  • Haven't read the article about what I would change in my spouse.. But I can tell you that over the years my focus has shifted greatly from "what is wrong with him" to "what is wrong with me" And I have a list. I would like to be less reactive and more responsive to all situations, husband, children, friendships, etc. I have grown in this area but still need to improve more. I would like more self-control and discipline in everything from eating, to money. … I would like to release so much more to God being confident that HE is my defense and advocate, and I would like to simply LOVE unconditionally more.

  • I have a couple of things I would like to change in me; stop doubting good decision I have made, not be to be too hard on myself for every wrong I do & sometimes right things which I doubted that they were right, relax & not try too hard. I tend to procrastinate so that I could come with a better idea/strategy, which does not come until I have started and most of the time after I have finished with whatever that was.To summarise this, I always wants to do the best so much that I don't recognise when I done good/better/best. Whatever I do never seems to be enough/best. It takes other people to tell/show me that I have done a good job & it's only then that I would look at it as good/best. What scares me the most now is that I see this in my old son already & he is just 8yrs old.But I know God is unfolding my deliverance & healing gradually because I see improvement in these areas, although it's not much but it's there.

  • What I would change most about myself is the ability to make a better choice of men when dating. I would like to get married but seem to keep choosing the wrong type of guy for that.

  • I've touched on a subject which agitates my husband. We are not on speaking terms for three weeks. I've apologized for crossing his boundaries, yet to no avail. In the meantime I have approached a counsellor to help me as he used to say I want to control him Please advice how should I approach him

  • That's good that he is patient with you, God teaches patients. Does he or you read the bible?CJ

  • I would like to not feel like running every time there an issue that comes up. I get surrounded in fear of him, i want to be a better communicator, but each time i open my mouth my husband says i am talking rubbish or i actually do talk rubbish. People don't tell me that outside, so it is either me or him.

  • That I would realize the God made each of us uniquely – different. That I should not expect others to act and react the way I do. Because when I 'expect' I am actually judging others. My prayer is that I would be less judgemental of others.

  • I would change they way I seem to depend on people in my life for my own happiness. I want so much to lean on God and trust Him for everything. He will provide all I need but I fail at this because I am lonely. I am a shy and very selfconscious person. It seems that life is passing me by and I am not really involved anymore…just an observer. I would like to change that as well. If only I could stop worrying about what people think of me, which I know is sinful since we are supposed to let go of self and live for God. I need help!!! Pray for me. 🙂

  • Wow, you mean I have to look at myself instead of everyone around me? There are so many things I'd like to change about myself, some in my control some not but hind sight is 20/20. The greatest thing that troubles me about myself is my selfishness. How it has hurt those who I have and still love has shown me that no matter how I whitewash it everything I say and do affects those around me whether I intend it to or not. I'm so blessed and that makes me wonder why it's those around me that seem to suffer instead of me. I pray that God's plan for me is one that can bring confort to those around me.

  • To be a better listener, and NEVER judge another…like my dear mother taught me so many years ago…She taught us that if everyone would memorize 1 Corinthians 13 and live it, we would truly be doing God's command.

  • Trust the Lord, instead of letting fear rule my decisions, be more assertive, respect myself, stop putting my husband before God, get more involved with my church and following God's will.

  • I'm a good guy, love the Lord and my fiancee. My past is filled with mistakes, disappointments and failures. Scattered in there are some successes. I want to be authentic. I want to live for God in a significant way. I want to change into someone that reflects Christlikeness. Please pray for Tim and Karen as you read this. Blessings!

  • I feel like I am the only one loving him most. I feel like he thinks I am desperate to be loved by him. Sometimes I feel like just stopping communication and see what will happen because I do most of it. I am tired. I want these feelings to stop.

  • One word. LISTEN. I would listen to my wife a lot more than I would speak. I think it would be very powerful

  • The thing i would change about me is: try to listen to him without trying to find a solution. I have a hard time just listening and understanding…I automatically see how it can be fixed and spout off..I never seem to notice until I do it and he shuts down and then the conversation is over! and I really want to listen…So Pray for me to be a better listener…

  • The thing i would change about me is: try to listen to him without trying to find a solution. I have a hard time just listening and understanding…I automatically see how it can be fixed and spout off..I never seem to notice until I do it and he shuts down and then the conversation is over! and I really want to listen…So Pray for me to be a better listener…

  • I feel exactly the same and can relate to how you feel. I am praying for the Lord to give me strength when I am weak and feel that running is the best solution. I will also keep you in my prayers.

  • I would like to change the fact that I talk and plan but do not follow through with action. My children are grown and married we always talked about going to Disney world even started saving once……talked about memorizing scripture, loosing weight, exercising.. buy and read the books..I may work at these a day or a week, months but do not follow through …..so that I have encouragement in my life. I'm just talk…always learning but not doing…I have the scriptures….and I have the scriptures for fear since I want to work in my network marketing business and don't….it is starting to drive me nuts….I want to do instead I cry

  • I would like to change how I react to critizism, sarcasm and put downs when my husband is angry… I think we just react to each other and don't look out for each other instead…. I wish I could just keep on loving him no matter what, but that is sooo hard! I just want to run and get away! I really try to keep being kind and loving, but if it is rarely recipricated it becomes harder and harder each time! Men don't understand how important verbal communication is to women!
    Positive verbal communication….because negative communication cuts like a knife and just keeps cutting deeper…..

  • I would like Gal 5: 22 – 23 to become life in my soul. Having the fruit of the Hoy Spirit will enable me to survive the good the bad and the ugly of this life.

  • Hello, I'm on medicine for Severe ADHD combined type. Neurobehavioral disorder, alcohol exposed. PTSD and OCD General anxiety disorder. I have had this all my life. It was only diagnosed 7 months ago. No one has been available to work out with me my day to day structure. It got worse after having 4 children. My husband is burned out and just had the the courage or guts to say he wants out of a 30 year marriage in November. Now I'm afraid of being alone. I hate the stabbing hurt inside my heart, and how my stomach churns. I just want his arms around me. All the Christian counseling we had helped to deal with things. I worked out those things but nothing like this now. When you are in the middle of this you don't see what's at the end of the road. If I knew what I know now I would have been a much better person. I am on the road to a recovery but it will take as long as it took me to get where I am now. His body is saying get out so he can live. So he tells me. I need a miracle.

  • My wife and I have been separated for 9 months and will be divorced in a matter of weeks. Medicine for her bipolar behavior would probably have saved our marriage. But as you may know, it is hard to convince bipolar people of their need to seek help. To her, everyone else in her life is disordered and she is righteous and perfect, and always the victim.

  • that I would fullfill in yet a greater measure the self discipline to achieve the goal that I have chosen of chooseing to put my wife ahead of myself for the rest of our lives.


  • I try to be a good husband, but I feel sometimes I come up short. I am not sure that I am loving enough, especially sexually. So I would increase my sex drive.

  • My biggest problem is that when there is a disagreement between my husband and myself, I have a problem with letting it go. It's like I always have to have the last word. This is something that I recognize and need to change. My husband will tell me "is over, lets just let it go" and it truly is, but sometimes I always just have to say "one more thing". I would love to be able to break this habit. I think it spills over from my first marriage that I had a controlling (among other things) spouse and I always thought I had to get my point across and constantly be on the defense.

    The other thing that I ask God to help me with each day is to not allow myself to get angry by others behavior or when I feel verbally attacked by someone. And I know, its my choice to get angry – the other person does not care. That's what fuels them. It only steals my joy. I pray each day on this.

    Thank you.

  • I am very insecure when it comes to my husband having a relationship with females from his past. While he never had physical relations with another woman at one time he was seriously talking with another and considering divorce. He has been faithful for years since then but could it be that I have never truly forgiven him? I don't want to be like this and we talk about it ALOT but he is frustrated with me and I am frustrated with myself. I don't know what to do. I am open to suggestions, bean723@hotmail.com

  • Hello,
    I would love to allow myself to feel worthy. I feel I will never be good enough for God I am not the one

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