Is your spouse your best friend?

My husband and I consider ourselves to be best friends. That friendship was built over time. It wasn’t instant. We were actually fixed up by a blind date, and I fell for him immediately. So I went right into “in love” mode. A romantic relationship is initially overwhelmed with romantic feelings and the thought of friendship may not be the first on your mind.

I don’t think we realize how crucial friendship is to the marriage relationship. When all the bells and whistles of being “in love” start to die down, where is your relationship? Is your spouse the one person you choose to be with at any time? Do you enjoy each other, do things together (beyond sex)?

A friend is defined as a favored companion; one attached to another by affection or esteem. True friendship is a very deep thing. Best friends share their greatest fears and joys. They give before they take. They put aside their own agendas to search out the heart of the other. True friendship involves trust, vulnerability, honesty and encouragement, shared interests and activities. And it takes time to build and grow.

While this definition applies to a “friend” it so much more applies to your marriage and your spouse. Remember that Genesis 2:18 tells us that God created woman for man, to be a companion and a helper. The first human relationship was between one man and one woman. They were a lot of things to each other, but they had to be friends. In the Song of Solomon (5:16), the Shulamite woman speaks of her husband this way, “….This is my beloved, this is my friend.” Being friends builds the closeness necessary to be one flesh.

How do you build a friendship with your spouse? I believe you remember to daily lay down yourself and put your spouse first. You should always be honest, open, forgiving and speak the truth in love, never in anger. You need to appreciate your differences and not make them a point of opposition. You need to make the important decisions in your lives together and deal with difficulties and trials as a couple. You need to share activities–find things you can do together and spend real quality time. And I think you need to develop a sense of humor. Laugh together and don’t let things come between you. What is it they say? …keep the little things little and the big things big. How true is that?

If you take time to talk to each other, share your innermost feelings and dreams, do things together, and just really BE with each other, I think you’ll build an amazing friendship!


One thought on “Is your spouse your best friend?

  • My dear wife is my best friend. We talk openly about a variety of topics, including sex, wishes, hopes, dreams, etc. But like a good friend, I do not dump on her every time just to make ME feel better. I do share my struggles, work issues, etc. Whereas, as a servant leader, I must listen to her concerns often. That is what best friends are for…to listen, to bond, to discover new things, to solve puzzles.

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