Is your relationship healthy?

How Do You Know If Your Key Relationships Feel Safe with You?

Pick your most important relationship(s) and complete the follow sentence (fill in the blank with such relationships as my spouse, my friends, my church, my children, my coworkers, my teammates, my hunting buddies, my classmates, etc.)

___________ probably feel(s):

Use this scale?

5 Often, 3 Sometimes, 1 Never

  1. _____ I judge or criticize them.
  2. _____ I neglect to find them fascinating and I’m not curious to understand them when they are different from me.
  3. _____ I blame them for how I feel when they offend me or hurt my feelings.
  4. _____ I expect them to be my main source of joy and fulfillment.
  5. _____ I’m nervous when we are together because they seem to be afraid to open up and share their deepest feelings, suggestions and needs
    with me.
  6. _____ When I think out loud with them, I criticize them.
  7. _____ I neglect to be concerned about every area of their life.
  8. _____ I underestimate their valuable and where their priority is in my life.
  9. _____ They seem to be tense spending time with me.
  10. _____ I neglect to value their opinions, ideas, concerns, expectations, feelings and needs.
  11. _____ I neglect to value their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual uniqueness (gender, body type and personality)
  12. _____ I hesitate to trust their words and actions daily.
  13. _____ I like to dominate how they feel about themselves.
  14. _____ I neglect to praise them for what they do and say.
  15. _____ I neglect to repair relational damage quickly.
  16. _____ My anger is out of control with them.
  17. _____ I neglect to partner with them in finding win-win solutions to mutual problems or disagreements.
  18. _____ I resist the idea that we are on the same relational team.
  19. _____ I slack at working hard to have a loving and fulfilling relationship.
  20. _____ I have a hard time forgiving them when they offend me.


20-40 Others feel safe with you. (The GOAL is to hit 20)

41-70 You need improvement for others to feel safe with you.

71-100 Others feel very unsafe with you.

Deep, satisfying and fulfilling friendships are more naturally developed when the relationship becomes safer each day.