If you could change one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

This post is about helping you let go of complaints about your spouse. So let it all out! But remember to keep these ideas private from your mate, because ultimately, the biggest thing you can do to impact your marriage is worry more about your issues than your spouse’s issues.

141 thoughts on “If you could change one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

  • I wish he would kiss me more, give me more compliments and show me more affection by touching, holding my hand, hugging, etc.

  • Stop resorting to sarcasm, clipped tones, projecting, twisting the facts, needling me when you know I'm vulnerable until I snap and then exclaim oh, see, you're the one out of control and blaming me for the argument going bad, claiming that I'm seeing my ex and not you when I'm upset with YOU, interrupting me when I'm trying to share my feelings and needs, rolling your eyes and telling me that my side of the argument is "stupid" and "ridiculous." Treat me like a human being and go back to being the man you convinced me you were when we fell in love. Please.

  • He jokes around all the time. Everything that happens is a reason for a joke or goofy remark. It is getting old very fast. We've been married for 28 years and you'd think I would be used to it or numb to it by now but it's gotten to where I wish he would just shut up. He doesn't have to make a stupid comment every time someone walks into the room or makes a noise. Everything is not funny nor does everything require a snappy comment from him. He says he's just having fun & if he didn't pick on us we would think he didn't love us. Excuse me? Since when is picking on someone loving them?

  • my husband works seasonal, so he is home for a few months during the winter. I wish he would cook for me during this time. It wouldn't even have to be everyday, but a couple of times a week. Seems like a small thing to ask.

  • We have been married for 41 years and we still do agree about money and our finances. He will not set up a budget and I want to. He wants to be able to spend what he wants when he wants. I fully believe if I wasn't paying our bills…they wouldn't get paid. We have tried to talk about it LOTS of times but to no avail. He has even said that sometimes its okay to overdraw our checking account if there is something he really needs to buy! One year there were more than $1000 worth of overdraw fees!! I feel powerless to change our situation. He is very generous in helping other people out especially our family but even that upsets me sometimes as he put a new furnace in our daughters home when we have been needing one in our home for 15 years!!I am probably just being selfish and should try to change my way of thinking about it but it doesn't seem like we are growing closer only farther apart. And that is sad:-( It affects every part of our life and I don't feel very loving toward him…….

  • Quit trying to pickup after me like I'm a 2 year old. I got it out, I'll put it away!! I opened it, I'll shut it!! It's maddening when I am cooking dinner to turn around and the milk I just got out of the fridge is back in the fridge or the cabinet I opened to get the spices out of has been closed before I put the jar back.

  • I would change his desire to watch TV so much. Although he is watching Christian programs and way too much sports, he spends to much time in that recliner! Yes, he works but I work too, manage a in-home business and an administrator of our ministry. He thinks I'm being controlling or contentious. I don't nag but I do address what I see. Help!!!

  • I wish my husband could understand that I do love him and stop saying to me "i thought you hated me"

  • I wish he could take a stand/authority as a man in the house as I am the husband and he is the wife.He never initiate or come up with any ideas for our home, unless I have asked him to. I need him to be affectionate, especially in public, because right now it looks like he's shy to hold me in public, let alone kissing me. We are more brother and sister than husband and wife. I am very worried about my kids to grow up and become like their father to their wives.

  • I wish that he were consistent with his moods. It seems like every time I let the wall down, he hurts me again. The name calling, the insults, the rude comments hurt my heart. Then he can turn around the next minute and be as charming as can be. It is like walking on eggshells! I also wish I felt he was commited to making our marriage work- he refuses counseling because "he is not the one with the problem" (which I take it to mean is that I am the one with the problem!) I don't want our son to grow up treating his loved ones the way my husband does- his two older children act the same way he does towards their significant others!

  • I would like for my wife to stop being so negative. it seems that she can only see the things she doesn't have and not the good things she does have.

  • I wish my husband was kinder to me and the kids, gentler, more encouraging instead of discouraging. I wish he would see all the things we do instead of what we don't do. I'm a people pleaser and he's next to impossible to please! He has some kind of angry, impatient undercurrent that creates an uncomfortable aura. How can I possibly want to be honest and imtimate with someone that I feel nervous around? If not for me, for the kids!!

  • I would change his family. His family treats me like dirt despite all the things I have done to try and win them over. They haven't liked me from the start (we have been married 6 years and together 7) and they have never taken the time to even get to know me. My Husband and I do not fight very often but when we do it is always over his family. So if I could change one thing it would be his family.

  • Oh! How I WISH I had that problem! He leaves things at the spot he was done using it and NEVER puts it away later. If I say anything its "I'm not done with it, or I'll get it or why don't YOU do it- it will only take 2 seconds" It's because his mother ran around behind him and his dad and picked up after them, and he expects it.

  • I would change that my husband didn't drink alcohol and didn't need the attention of other women to make him feel like a man. I would also like that he would stop viewing pornography and comparing my 53 year old body to it. I'd like him to stop having contact with a woman he used to work with and has been carrying on with inappropriately for 3 years with phone calls, emails and test messages. Basically, I'd like to have my husband be a husband to me.

  • My husband travelled with his job for 5 years and now works locally – but is gone from the house 14 hours a day. He is overweight and stressed out and has not initiated sex in years – maybe only 5 times our whole 15 year relationship – we have tried counseling but they don't hold him accountable for homework that is assigned – he is a very kind wonderful person – but I feel like he is just this nice guy in the house that is nice to my kids.

  • The only person I can change is myself. However, if I could change one thing about my spouse, it would be for her to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We have been married for almost 5 years and that is the only thing I have ever asked of her. I figured that if God was first in her life, then all I would have to be concerned about would be my walk with God and how I am being the servant leader to my family and helping them to deepen their relationship with God. However, since HE is not 1st in her life (neither am I), none of my love languages are met, the respect level is low and we go through the crazy cycle almost every month. Frustrating!

  • Sam and I did a rumba at our wedding, but since then I have learned he doesn't like dancing thatmuch. I wish he would take me to the seniors dance on Friday night for ballroom dancing. He hasa large stomach, and dancing is an excellent way to dispose of that, and since he has a stent you would think he would want to strengthen his heart.

  • I would change how she never says what is on her mind. She is a stuffer, and never lets things out until it is too late. She thinks that I should know when things are wrong. She has told me this, that is how I know. I also wish she would show me more affection, instead of kissing me like her dad. I was a very carnal person most of my life, and now I see the light. I like the new me. I quit drinking and lost 45 lbs. I want her to want to be with me, but she holds grudges about the past. She says she has forgiven me, but she clearly has not.

  • I feel your pain, I have the same problem. My wife has been going to church with me, but aside from that, she does not want to get involved in anything else. I too,can only change myself, and I did, and I love the new me. I pray everyday that the Lord can change her heart, or at least open it up a little bit. Keep praying Frustrated.

  • I wish she would see and appreciate everything I do for her and the kids instead of focusing on how small my paycheck is. I know I am a great father and working hard for a better future but she puts no value on anything I do right now. I feel like the only thing she values right now is material weathly, why else would someone wear their wedding ring on the other had when all they want to do is show off a diamond that means nothing to them.

  • if i could i would change that he has such a lack of trust, no moral grounds, not so hypocritical to our children and myself, a belief in god, a forgiving heart, faith in me and in our marriage, him to not want a divorce, him to not feel like he has missed out on so much due to us.

  • For him to initiate communication on a daily, regular basis. For him to be the planner for activites, to be full of ideas whether it be for everyday "life" or for "fun". I'm tired of leading the family as a wife. To plan a budget.

  • Honestly this does not sound Good. If sexual satisfaction lacks, it sffects the relationship a great deal. You are very good to have put up with him this far. May be you ask him what he would like you to do he is not playing that part of his role to you.

  • I have a dear friend who told me once (when I was complaining about my husband) to everyday get up and say outloud something that I love about my husband. It helps me keep the perspective that marriage is not perfect and neither am but thank God my husband loves me anyway!

  • One thing I would change about my hubby is his sex drive, its way too low and it doesn't last very long. I want to spend hours making love, but he is done in 5 minutes!

  • She is good with the kids but seems to yell at them too much. She also is really bad at keeping up with house work. She does laundry but rarely folds it. That makes for a mess of clothes that might be clean but you cant find anything and when you do it is all wrinkly. She doesn't pick up or put up her clothes. She has shoes all over the house. And she is on facebook all the time. But I love her and I am sure that she could find at least this many things to say about me.

  • I have the same problem, but she just doesn't ever seem interested. She says that is all I ever think about, but the times when we are intimate I am able to not think about it all the time. What to do, what to do?

  • My husband is an alcoholic and has not given all power over his addiction to the Lord. He continues to drink and treat me terribly. When I try to pray for him he says hurtful things about christianity. Although he says that he believes in our Lord and that Jesus died for our sins and is the risen saviour, he says that he can never put God first in his life. He has gone to church and goes to a bible class occasionally but it doesnt seem that anything sinks in and he doesnt apply it to his daily life.He is s good man when he is not drinking but very different when he needs a drink or is already intoxicated.Please pray.

  • My heart goes out to you because I am living the same scenario with my husband. He has not put God first and acts like a heathen at times, yet doesn't understand that when we submit all of our lives to God then everythiing works to gether for those who love him. Prayer is powerful and we all know it works.

  • My dear husband. I love you and your children (my stepchildren) immensely and I am saddened that we often cannot come to an agreement on consequences for their behavior that is inappropriate. I believe a lack of discipline is condoning the behavior. I acknowledge good behavior and efforts to improve, but you do not allow me to speak to the children about anything negative, I believe for feat that they will not like me. As I have told the children, sometimes they will like me and sometimes they won't, but regardless of what happens, I will love them no matter how they feel about me. I am committed to our marriage, please allow me to be committed to the children in encouragement and discipline.

  • I wish I could see my husband actively engaging in trying to figure out how to balance family with ministry. He is a pleaser and has a VERY hard time saying "no" to whatever he gets asked to do. We have two young children and sometimes the ways in which we are called on to ministery isn't real conducive with kids and his solution to everything is to leave them with our parents. I don't feel like that is right for our kids or for their grandparents. I want them to grow up feeling a part of our ministry, not pushed off to the side. Just not sure how to balance everything or how to get on the same page as my husband.

  • Just one thing, If only my wife would see just what this divorce is doing to both of us, and our kids.She is so blinded by the worlds veiw that the guy she met online, is her "soul mate". God has used this to change me, but she is set on breaking our family, in order to pursue her life with someone else.

  • Well, what I would like to change about my wife? For starters, a sex drive. I keep asking and keep being told no. After about 2 years, I cannot bring myself to even ask anymore. My male ego and curage to ask is dead. I did ask after about 8 months of no sex and all I get is "why would I do a fool thing like that?". I love her and keep doing all the things she asks me to do and things that I know she want me to do. I do not expect to get anything out of this, but I do them out of love for her. We are really good friends, but she HATES sex.So, what would I like to change in my wife – a sex drive. Once a month would be a good starter. The topic of sex and romanic are taboe to talk about, but I would love to talk about them.It's like trying to start a fire under some really icy water.

  • I wish that my wife would engage me more in loving, respectful, honest and forthright dialogue about tough issues. For me, communication is an essential element in a good relationship. It would be great to again have true dialogue with my best friend, and I am reading a lot of books to help me understand how to help her know that her thoughts and opinions are important to me.

  • I wish he would be the spiritual leader in the home, that he would really make the time for us to have devotions together. I wish he would stop controlling his son's life (he barely knows how to do anythingn for himself) and have him move out (he graduated from college 2 years ago). His attention should be on his marriage and not a grown child. I wish I were as important to him as all the rest of his family is. He'll forego paying a bill (even repaying a loan I made to him) if a sibling/niece/nephew needs money.

  • He would give me more feedback on what his needs and wants are from me so I can focus more on being the perfect wife for him. Marriage isn't about finding the perfect partner as much as it is being the perfect partner. You can't out give God!

  • I would have my husband help me out a little more. I am the sajority income winner in my family as my husband's income usual;ly only pays for daycare and some groceries, wife to my husband, and mother to three biological children and one adopted child. It is soley my responsibility to care for the children who are 16, 16, 2 and 6 months. Feeding, diapering, running around, dropping off and picking up from daycare. I also soley take care of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and removing garbage from the house. Due to financial constraints with my husband's pay being cut, I am having to work from 9am to 6 or 7pm, get the small children picked up and get home to cook, bathe, and get the babies in bed by 8:30. I am exhausted and then my husband has the audacity to complain that we do not have "sex" enough or I am not as loving as I used to be. His idea of helping is to "watch the children" while I clean (with his eyes CLOSED!) Yesterday, my 2 year old poured out an entire can of formula thta was his sisters, and a gallon of tea, in the kitchen I had just cleaned, while their daddy was supposed to be watching them and had fallen asleep! I am at wit's end. I have asked, complained, and down right threw fits, yet it only seems to help for a day or two. I am at a loss what to do and as a Christian, do not believe divorce is the answer but at the same time, if I am already doing it all by myself, why have someone else to take care of when my hands are already full?I would also LOVE for him to come to church with us and take Christianity seriously so he could be the Spiritual Leader of our home. He says he wants to but only if we go to his parents church. I feel their church is "dying" as they do not focus on the children (our FUTURE) but rather they focus on the older members. I want to find a church home of our own that puts emphsis on my children following Christ instead of the generation that in 10 years or so will be no more.Any advice would be GREAT!!!

  • First of all, I am SO sorry that you are going through this. This is NOT what God wants your relationship to be. Jesus said that He came that you might "…HAVE LIFE and have it more abundantly." (emphasis mine). It sounds as if you are emotionally spent. I'm sure that you are praying about this, but I would encourage you to be persistent about taking your situation to The Lord. We often give up before we get our answer. Draw your strength from God as He will ALWAYS provide that which is necessary to complete ALL that He has ordained. My guess is that you've gotten your eyes off of Him am ON THE SITUATION. This is extremely easy to do, but it isn't profitable. Try getting the two sixteen year olds to participate in picking up some of the slack. STAY in the Word and in fervent prayer. THERE, you will find the strength to do all that you are called to do. Find scripture that reminds you of the promises that God has for you and post it EVERYWHERE. Find creative ways to keep yourself rejuvinated as it is IMPOSSIBLE to give away what you don't have in the first place. The biggest thing that I would suggest to you is to change your thought and speech life. There is MUCH scripture to substantiate this tidbit, but to sum it up, God creates things with His spoken word. We are created in His image, so if He speaks things into existence, then we can too, right? Right. The Word says that you shall have whatsoever you say. It doesn't say that you'll have the GOOD things that you confess. It says WHATEVER YOU SAY. As a life coach, the first thing that I work with my clients to do is to change their thought and speech lives. These 2 principles open the door to a myriad of other possiblilities in life. It CAN be done and this mixed with prayer and scripture is THE place to start. When you allow God to replenish ALL that you need, then it's SO much easier to give to others. Above all, become and remain ENCOURAGED. You WILL go far in Him!! May God truly bless you as you go about blessing Him!! Please, let me know if I can be of any further assistance and feel free to visit my website if you are interested in any life coaching as I truly believe that God can and will use this resource to get you back on track. Take care, Nikki

  • If I was my pastor talking to you now, he'd probably tell you to stop letting him get away with it, and hold him accountable by taking responsibility for yourself, going to some counseling alone, and possibly separating until he can get help, or stop doing what he is doing. It is not a marriage you are in, my sister. I will be praying. Please talk to a pastor soon!!

  • It does to me, too. And in order to stop things from getting worse, (my verbal abusers ended up being physical abusers eventually), and to help the kids see that it is NOT okay to be this way and treat others this badly, YOU have to stop enabling, and take responsibility to stand up and be respected. How? Well, for starters, please ask God for each step of the way. I got out of an emotional, mental, physical graveyard, and am in a healthy marriage now. But not everyone will be required to leave. Find a good Christian counselor who also knows abuse. I called Focus on the Family. They helped a lot. I am sure Smalley ministries will help too. You may jus have to separate until he decides to get help for himself.

  • Thanks so much Nikki. I would be interested in your life coaching. You say to change my thought and speech pattern, but I am really not sure how to do that. I love my husband and my life with my family, it just seems as if I am the only responsible one. As far as the teenagers, they won't do ANYTHING at all. No matter what I do, they continue to be "dead weights". I suppose that is normal for teenagers, especially teenage boys (which they both are). I really appriciate your comment. To know that someone can offer some advice is a Godsend.

  • Chola,No one is perfect, so don't try to obtain that. It would be nice if men would tell us more about what they want, but be true to yourself and faithful to God and He will bless your marriage more than you will ever believe. You want to be the perfect wife and that is such an unrealistic dream, how about being the wife your husband wants, don't set unrealistic goals and again stay true to you and God and watch His fruitation. The only person to ever walk this earth and be perfect was Christ himself. God bless both of you!

  • I have been married before more than once, and you can go ahead and throw stones at me, but it took me a bit longer to totally walk in what the Lord had for my life. My first husband was alcoholic and we were both young; thought I'd watch him die (and I had my own different addiction battles,) so we split up amicably. I was not a real Christ-follower. My 2nd husband is a good man and a great dad to our sons. He was not a Christ-follower, and I was rededicated when my first son was born and started back to church. I was still young and felt worthless and ugly and alone as their dad constantly criticized my thoughts and feelings, put me down, and never encouraged my dreams of being an artist. I still had open wounds I never got healed by Christ; now I know. We split after he clobbered my head into a car window, (only physical abuse in 9 years) and not a year later I met and married my 3rd. He was more quiet and gentle, and yet when I had our daughter, he became very jealous and angry. No one could take the baby out, my sons could not kiss or hug her. I felt like a prisoner in my tiny home. It got worse as days went on. I left one day when he was gambling. He threatened to kill me. But today there is peace with both my childrens' dads. Onto number 4; he seemed like a Christian, and he talked to my 3 y.o. dd so sweetly. He offered to repair my car and he did. We met in church. A year later, we were married and I had another beautiful daughter. I had to move in later, as my sons were finishing up school and I had my own home. We finally moved in as a family and….what?? WHO are you??? This evil, angry, abusive man took over my husband's body. No..that was the real him. He spent all his time and energy thinking up ways to hurt me and my children. Break and throw away their toys; kill their pets; eat their special snack foods…you name it. Called us all names, tried to hurt the baby, threw me across the room more than once. After I called the police, I made a plan to get out. My car and all our belongings came up stolen from his driveway!! I had a nervous breakdown. Fast-forward to today. You'd think I'd never want to marry again. When my youngest was 3, I prayed to God, "Lord, YOU pick for me; I cannot. My picker has always been broken. You bring me the man You want me to bless. amen." and He did. We dated 6 mos., broke up for 6, and then he came knocking on my door, asking me to marry him. We talked for a week, talked to the pastor, and promised to talk everything out always. It's going on our 3rd year of marriage and my children love him, I love his kids, and no, he's not perfect. I could give you a list of little, unimportant things which bug me about him. But, he treats me as his wife, his partner, and he's a wonderful stepdad to my kids. I am blessed now. I do have the consequences of sending my children to their dads' homes and praying they return in one piece, but my husband prays with me. I love him for who he is inside and for how good he is to us.

  • Well, this type of issue can be pretty perplexing. The enemy will often try to conquer us by separating us from our families. The most important thing that you can do to turn this around is to pray about it. Be very open and honest with God. Tell Him how you feel about this and ask Him to show both you and your husband if this is really what He wants you to do. Ask Him to show your husband ways to be certain that your children are a part of the ministry. You are right, you don't want your children to resent the ministry and in turn resent God. I know that a minister's wife is often expected to be with him, but is it possible for you to stay home with the children sometimes to show them that they are still a priority until your husband sees the importance? The thing that is of the utmost importance as I see it is that your children don't lose out with God as a result of feeling that they aren't a priority in the family. As long as they have God, they can work anything else out, but I am concerned that their relationship with God may suffer because they may see Him as the reason that their father is unavailable. This is a tough pickle that you're in, but God CAN work ANYTHING out. When the situation is tough, it just gives Him a prime opportunity in which to shine! Trust Him fully and know that He has your children's best interest at heart. They are SO important to Him. As long as you trust Him and do your very best to show them how valuable they really are, your prayers will allow God to open the doors that will facilitate the relationship that He longs to have with them. Do special things with them. For instance, I was a teenager before I realized that the car had a radio. My mom always sang with us when we were in the car for any reason. It's little things like this that create GREAT relationships. It's not always about the quantity of time that people have together. It's more about the quality. Remember that you CAN do this!!

  • I love this! It is so positive and that is the way to make a great life. Our words and attitudes are SO IMPORTANT. God bless you for sharing.

  • I agree this behavior is simply unacceptable!!! Please let him know that there are boundaries in a marriage, and he had crossed all over them! And most of all be clear about what they are and should be and STICK TO THEM, BE PREPARED to STEP (LEAVE) if you have to.Good luck, and test your strength!

  • Andrea, I also want to let you know that my fees are negotiable and that we WILL find a package that fits both your needs and your pocketbook so please don't let money stand in the way of you getting the help and encouragement that you need. We will work it all out.God bless, Nikki

  • This is my problem also – we have been married 11 years and still I conform the finances around his wants. I get clothes at good will and get them from friends and eat 99 cent frozen dinners for lunch — while he takes guy trips, eats out every day, and buys whatever he wants.

  • Sometimes there is a physica or emotional issue interfering with desire..such as fatigue or stress. Sometimes it is low testosterone in men, or menopause or pregnancy in a woman. These things can be discussed with a doctor and often resolved.But I think the most common reason men and women start falling off the intimacy wagon is because they don't make TIME to be close, together, have fun and share with eachother outside of the bedroom. Making the together time outside of the bedroom will make room for desire and closeness inside the bedroom. Make a date every week just for the two of you and schedule time for sex if thats what it takes. Light some candles, put on some music and give eachother a backrub with a nice oil. Just be close and get connected. That is the way to get things back on track and sizzling. Also, try not to be too critical and find good things about your partner. Compliment the things they do do right and they will feel closer to you. Give them flowers …even if you pick them, write notes on their lunch napkin, on the bathroom mirror with soap…whatever it takes…be creative!

  • I forgot to ad that as far as the amount of time sex lasts with your husband…obviously the less your having, the more aroused he will be. The goal should be the journey of pleasure and sharing loving affection, not the end all finale. Making the time wonderful before actual sex and after actual sex is what makes it satisfying. Also, you can take control of the situation more and set the pace..make him slow down and take his time by communicating your needs and expressing your joy in being with him. Switch what your doing frequently and ASK him to communicate his level of arrousal as you go. Learn more about eachother.

  • I'm so sorry that he does that to you. What have you done to change things? What has been your result? My professional opinion would be that you focus on making God your primary focus and then work on your self esteem. When you make sure that your self esteem is whole and untattered, then you will have a clearer procedure for dealing with this situation. Start with some positive affirmations. Choose 5 positive statements about yourself to start and voice those sayings to yourself while looking in a mirror and/or just going about your day. Soon your outlook will follow suit. It's kind of a fake it til you make it sort of deal. Look up references in the Bible regarding how God feels about you. When you understand just how special you are to God, then you will find more value in yourself regardless of what others try to make you believe. You may want to look into some personal life coaching. I am a life coach and would be willing to work with you should you find that you are interested. Please keep me posted on your situation and remember that you are the only person that you can control. Because this is so true, the first thing that you want to work on changing is you. When your attitude changes for the better then you begin to focus less on those things that are essential or productive to your well being. May God truly bless you in your search for peace and remember just how valuable you really are.Nikki

  • I'm sorry. It looks like I made a little goof on my last submission to you. What I meant to say toward the end was that when you focus less on those things that are NOT essential or productive to you well being, then God will be able to bless you with the peace that His word promises you. Sorry for the error and I hope that I have cleared it up for you.God bless.

  • My hope is that my husband would pursue God with all his heart, mind soul and strength. I am tired of all the words and would like to see ACTION…that how he lives his life would reflect spiritual fruit.I agree that we must see our spouses through God's eyes. We can only change ourselves so should worry about our own issues. As Matthew (7:4-5) and Luke (6:42) tell us…we must first take the plank out of our own eye!

  • It might be a physical reason why she doesn't want to have sex. It could be a self esteem issue with her and it makes her feel uncomfortable to talk about it because she's judging herself too hard (ex: gained weight). Put her in a comfortable setting with you and ask her one on one..letting her know it is without judgement and that you really want to know why. Ask to work through it together and that you love her. A women needs to be told that you love her more than you think…at least 5-10 times a day and with actions of love too. The longer you wait the harder it is to get her back. I'm on the other side. My husband has never told me why but we have not connected for over 14 years and it has taken a toll on me like it is doing to you. Think about it and pray about it. Don't be afraid to communicate like I am and never know. Keep trying.

  • Hi, Andrea. I listed a way for you to contact me, but they evidently deleted it. Please message me here if you are still interested. You can reach me on yahoo if they will let you see this. User name is Nikki71671. Hope to hear from you soon.

  • The one thing I would change about my husband is…his past. He struggled with pornography since he was a teenager and even into the first 3 years of our marriage (we're at 3 1/2 now). He did come clean with me about it and has gotten some help from our pastor and I believe he really has changed and doesn't do it anymore. But I just can't seem to get past it. I feel so betrayed. I don't know how I'll ever fully get over it or ever be able to fully trust him again. Every time I think about it I feel sick. And I can't help thinking about it sometimes…

  • my wife is 65 pounds heavier than the day we got married 15 yrs ago. to gain 1 pound is 3500 extra calories. do the math. thats A LOT of extra food. she doesnt work. kids in school from 7:15 to 2:30. vanity was my concern – now i add poor health leading to potentail dangerous disease that may impact her and my daughters and she is mid 40yrs. weight loss encouragement, third parties, nutritionist and other help elicited from the full spectrum over the years to no avail. i hate doing the laundry since her cloths now out size mine and im not a small guy. sure she is my wife and partner and my love and despite my focus that beauty is only skin deep-romantic desire on my part has plummeted over the years. its a cruel trap.

  • I ask that he get help for his use of pornography. He REFUSES to do so or speak to me about the subject with me.

  • I would want my wife to open up more in conversation on issues thagt affect our family e.g. how we spend our finances

  • that i am more important than any other woman in his life i don't know that. also that his actions and words match because they don't.

  • i wished my husband would get like the time i first met him.i am working on it,it will take time but it is working.we are married now 22 years and we are living in germanyand i am a german woman. we do have a wonderfulscott,he is now 2o years old.i wished he would relax more and stopp running .be romantic like 22 years ago,kisses me more and be tender holding me more.

  • i wished my husband would relax more and stop runningso much.r loving and kisses me more like the time we met22 years ago,be romantic,spend a whole day sundays in bedlike we used to do.we are living in germany about 18 yearsour scott is now 22 years old,he was in the golf war and sincethat time he is no more the person i met,but i love him and hehas his good parts and i am working on it,that it will be the samelike we first met.he is a very good lover and he is making me happy from this sidebut i do miss the romantic and relaxing from him holding me thetime he is comming from work,making phon calls from workand tell me he loves me,sometimes it does happen but i wouldlike to hear it every day over and over again and again.

  • I could sit here, complain about my wife, and make a long list of things she does and doesn’t do that are ruining our relationship and not fulfilling me as a man and husband. I’m sure she could make a similar list about me, though her list would probably be longer, lol! This approach won’t get either of us anywhere, will only lead to conflict, will make us both more me centered and selfish, and does nothing to help nurture and build our relationship together.I think a better approach would be if I spent my time making a list of things that are important to my wife and figuring out a way to fulfill them. As her husband, it’s a way I can help take care of her, all of her, especially those things most important to her. It would certainly be nice if she did the same for me, but that’s probably something she has to come to on her own. Hopefully, if I took this basic approach to her, over time she would recognize my efforts and respond in kind. I think some of the basic things important to my wife, and to all women for that matter, are appreciation, communication, respect, attention, and attraction. If I could give her these five things, I’d be way ahead in the marriage game, lol!

  • It is nice to find out I'm not alone. Our main issue is with finances- my hsuband does not wan tto set up a budget- he has claimed that he must manage his finances so the major bills do not get paid- he has had his car repossed and when I talked to him about it- he claimed that the payments jsut slipped his mind! Yet- he buys dvd's, spends money on itunes and buys food out more than he eats what I cook. every time we try to discuss it we end up in an argument. One minute we are in agreeance and the next he just shuts down and does not want to work on it. I recently found out that he is still holding a grudge from an incident almost 10 years ago when I was paying the bills and I did not leave him any money so that he could go to a baseball game during his vacation week. He neglected to mention that he did not tell me of his plans nor did he double check with me since he knew when I paid the bills and he had already spent the money that he allotted himself. I did apologize but obviously he didn't really accept it. So unforgiveness has him trying to punish me for making an hnest mistake but inturn he is punishing his family because he does not pay the bills- we have utilities being turned off etc.house has been threatened foreclosure 5 times already gearing up for the 6th if he doesn't pay the back balance and the real estate taxes are due. He does not want me to have the password to the joint account( so I go into the bank and have them print out the statements for me) but when he is behind he wants me to hand over the money and he feels he should not have to account as to why the bills are late etc.

  • I have a sister in a similar situation but her hubby is not working at all. Talking to him seems like a waste of time & effort because it does not change anything. He always gets jobs and he would just leave without notice or reason except for pathetic excuses. The very person always go to drink & come come home drunk late at night or the next morning. This is very frustrating & emotionally draining, having to deal with someone who shows no interest in changing or doing something for their lives.BUT I know the word of God is very powerful, even if don't see any change yet, in due season we will especially if we don't give up on praying & sowing God's word in their lives. Most importantly we need to be able to identify the spirit in operation in that person & the family and come against it and cancel it in the name of Jesus Christ.

  • I really hate that for your sister. I have also found out that my husband read this post, as he "googled" my name and guess what popped up? I was sorry I hurt him and still am but since he actually saw in writing how I felt, he has been more helpful around the house, allowed me to join some church groups for a little "me" time and to feel like I am helping someone else, and he takes care of the children thouroughly until I get home. One more positive that came out of him reading this was, he is going to church with us now and told me he actually looks forward to it! Life isn't perfect and neither are people, we all know that. But if we work together and let the Lord guide us we will be what each other needs and wants and we will have a happy marriage and family. Like I said before, I don't think divorce is the answer for many reasons, number 1, it would hurt my children and I would do anything I could possibly do to protect them from any pain I can. And #2 to divorce means I am giving up on my family and I will absolutely not do that. I love my husband and have since the day I met him. Marriage is a learning process and I feel we are both working towards the same goal even if we do have different ways of achieving it. I will give it to my husband though, he IS a hard worker and wants nothing more than to see my children and I happy.I hope your sister's situation gets better also, I do not know how I would react to a husband who stayed out all night and refused to work, but it probably wouldn't be good…

  • What would I change about my spouse? Well .. I'd need to have one first!! I'm in my late fifties, been looking all my life. Change?

  • I wish he would stop siding his mom all the time and just fight for me whenever she starts saying a lot of things. No one else is RIGHT in his eyes except for her.
    I just wish he would start thinking about his wife and kids and actually secure our future and forms dreams for us and NOT with his MOM 🙁

  • Hi, I have the same problem. I tried to restore the good things, but it does not help. I caught him several times on the Net busy with porn, and now my 17 yr old daugther too, caught him busy with that. It is so disgusting. What can we do?

  • i wish he were more aggressive and passionate about his own carreer… it has caused many problems because i have had to work since i got married and now it's been over 35 years.

  • His pride, my husband will never admitt to been wrong and he would never apologise for any wrong.Believes too much in his own strenght

  • Stop resorting to sarcasm, clipped tones, projecting, twisting the facts, needling me when you know I'm vulnerable until I snap and then exclaim oh, see, you're the one out of control and blaming me for the argument going bad, interrupting me when I'm trying to share my feelings and needs, and telling me that my side of the argument is "stupid" and "ridiculous." Treat me like a human being and go back to being the man you convinced me you were when we fell in love. Please.

  • What should i do,to get mother of my child back?cause 1 day she just woke up and told me that she doesn't love me anymore and i still love her very much.Don't know whether i should move on or not i am very much confused please help?

  • I wish my husband desired a deeper relationship with the Lord.I wish this relationship would help my 3 boys and 1 girl to also walk closer to the Lord.

  • I really wish my husband would admit when he is wrong and apologize to me as well. We've only been married 14 months (we were both married for 25 years to other people) and he has only told me he is sorry 3 times. He yells profanity at me profusely during an arguement and it feels like I'm being hit, then he storms out of the house. When he returns he acts like nothing happened. I've told him how bad it makes me feel, but he minimizes what I tell him. It's worse when he drinks whiskey. He is a wonderful man in many ways but after a fight I'm not sure I can continue to be married to him. We also fight tremendously about money. He spent over $6,000 so far this year on college tuition for his son and this is stressed because we have no money left to pay things like utilities. My marriage definately needs help.

  • My husband likes to pretend he is Mr. Super-Christian, but refuses to attend church (none of them are good enough), pray, or read the Bible together. I wish the verbal abuse and negativity would stop, and I wish he would occassionally show me some affection. Last hug I got was when my father died, last kiss that I did not initiate was years ago. When I hug or kiss him, it is either like trying to love a statue or he responds halfheartedly, or sometimes even worse he turns away. And then he tells othr people I'm frigid and unaffectionate! It is like being a roommate with a grouch who doesn't share or value what is most important to you. I see our marriage as a mirror of his parents, two people alone even though they lived together. So sad when I know from the example of my parents' marriage what a good marriage should be like. But, one person cannot make a good marriage without the cooperation of the other.

  • SELFISHNESS, #1 complaint…it covers every area of your life. Unaffectionate, uncaring, unloving, withdrawn, unemphatic, putting self interest above others, and putting idols (work) above family. Selfishness is like cancer, it spreads throughout the body, consumes you and then you are spiritually dead.

  • I agree. My husband is not very affectionate and rarely holds me or kisses me except when he wants sex. After reading Gary Smalley's advice about how to teach your husband to comfort you, I am going to try it!

  • he is like a broken record same complaints every day, same stupid comments every day – if he's going to complain i tell him try and be a little original, same statements every day

  • I wish he would prioritize Christ as first in his life, and seek desperately after a relationship with Him. If he did that, most of my other complaints would naturally resolve themselves.

  • l would ask that my spouse support me more when it comes to his children from his previous marriage, one is 16, the other 28… This past wkend., we all got together, the 16 year old later wrote a very rude, demeaning, insulting comment towards me, when l asked him about it, he told me to let it go … when l asked my husband to please chat with him, see what that was all about, l got his usual excuses as to why he didn't think it was necessary … sooooooo, tomorrrow is the last day for asking his son … l have gotten rather tired of this, l feel my hubby should support me, in asking his son concerning the comment … Otherwise, what is the point of being married if this continues happening, l personally don't see any reason, at all!!!

  • I know my husband does not listen when I talk to him about important matters. Unless these matters are important to him. I think more and more; after 13 years of marriage, he is tuning me out. This makes me feel that what is important to me is not important to him. I am mostly talking about appointments for the children, events involving the children. When something is important to him or pertains to him, he seems to have an excellent memory. For example, my daughter had an eye doctor appointment at 8:15 a.m. My husband works nights. I asked him yesterday, will you be home by 7:45 a.m. to watch our son. He said, "yes". This morning came, 8:00 a.m. He still was not home. I called him on his cell phone. His comment was that I should use my head, how could he possible be home by 7:45 a.m. He would be home at 8:15 a.m. I ended up taking my son along, we were late, but luckily the doctor saw us. Later, he would not admit he was wrong, or say that he was sorry. Finally, I got him to say, "If I said 7:45 a.m. than I am sorry." Everyone makes mistakes, I told him that I was not mad about him being late. I was angry because he refused to simply say, " I am sorry, I was wrong." He was not really listening, he had already tuned me out.

  • I totally understand how you feel but maybe in a different way. After 25 years of marriage I just found out that my husband has feelings for another woman. He says that he is sorry and wants to make our marriage work but I too feel sick to my stomach over this whole thing! We just celebrated 25 years of marriage . I thought he loved me. I thought I was special to him. I knew things were not perfect but not so bad as to warrant an emotional affair!!! Pornography to me is similiar because it too is like an affair. My husbands was an emotional affair and yours is physical. It makes you feel devalued. It makes your relationship feel undermined . It can ruin that close, intimate ,affectionate bond that you have with that person. I am a christian and I understand that whole forgiveness thing but I do think that in a marriage God understands the kind of hurt that a spouse feels when they have been so deeply ,especially this kind. Isn't is supposed to be that the two shall become one? I hope that you can heal and trust him again but he may start to feel that he should be concerned about trusting you?

  • The one thing I would change at this moment about my husband is: I would love to be able to share our interests…we seem to have nothing in common..it's very hard trying to find topics to talk about. I love to talk about God and he likes to talk about politics..I want to please God in EVERY area of my life, and he chooses to pick and choose..Help!! what to do!

  • The one thing I would change at this moment about my husband is: I would love to be able to share our interests…we seem to have nothing in common..it’s very hard trying to find topics to talk about. I love to talk about God and he likes to talk about politics..I want to please God in EVERY area of my life, and he chooses to pick and choose..Help!! what to do!

  • I would want him to be honest and dependable. When he says he will do something he would do it. Also, communicate more

  • A simple piece of advice that worked for me: I set up a separate checking account and we agreed on an amount of money to go into it every month. From that amount I took care of our home and the kids. My husband paid the bills that were important to him (mortage, utility bills, etc.) and it was obvious to him how much money he had to play with.

    It lifted a heavy weight in my life and created a little more harmony. But perhaps most importantly, there was a little more equality.

  • I just wish my husband would be more affectionate. Hug me, kiss, me hold my hand, just touching. I need to feel his touch more. He is a good man, but has never been affectionate. Our sex life could stand improvement, too. I know he works hard & comes home tired, but he still needs to put more effort into 'us'.

  • You need to start romancing her…. any woman loves to be romanced…. listen past the hurt she is expressing and meet her needs….. you know what makes her happy, because that is what you have been withholding from her! Give her what she needs not what you are willing to give her…… come to her humbly and really listen….

  • I am in the same situation with my husband and his daughter. He has asked me to treat her as my own, discipline her as my own, teach her responsibilities, teach her rights from wrongs. I now know that was not a fair request on his part. Blood is thick and I am not in that mix. When I try to do any type of discipline, even the slightest reminder such as saying "yes ma'am"or "no ma'am" I am given the angry silent treatment as if I've done the wrong. It has caused a great deal of hardship in our marriage. I have read "The Smart Stepfamily" and "Step Coupling" but when he agreed to read the books and watch the DVD's but hasn't put forth the effort yet, some of the solutions they suggest can't be put into place so it all stays the same. I think he feels that all of the problems revolve around me. He has a lack of discipline because he feels guilty about the situation his daughter was put in to when they divorced. However, she loves this situation…she sometimes has 5 Christmas' and at least 2 Birthday parties every year !!!! What 10 year old wouldn't love that !

  • I wish he knew how much his on-line activity was hurting me and pushing me away – telling him isn't helping.

  • i wished my husband would stop acting
    grazy and would not need someone
    to boost his ego
    because mostly this are the wron people

  • Wives that want to be touched without it always being about sex…. I have a true way to solve the issue. My wife does this, it works. As a man we usually think "Oh she is touching me I better "get some" while getting some is good". We can, (once we get older then say 20) only have sex so many times and only so many times in a week. We think we would like sex as often as you would allow. This is wrong on our part. You set you mind to touch us daily in a "sexual" nature, then be available and eventually we(the guys) are gonna be the ones saying, "babe, I'm tired tonight". Your response could be "no problem sweetheart, I just like touching you". Thus begins the retraining of our sexual expectations. Keep it up, you'll soon see we "settle down a lot" when touched and learn to enjoy the act of touch, without it always jumping to sex. Now, knowing that I can enjoy sex with my wife nearly any day, It's not such a "worry". I can relax, knowing that she is so available. I hope I'm making my point here correctly. Touch him a lot more, tire him initially with "too much sex", then relax into knowing touch or sexual touch does not always mean taking it all the way. It's a great place to be. Peace in Christ

  • Hi;
    Would your husband accept this behavior if you had this lifestyle? Why do woman put up with that. I would rather live alone. Be strong and give him a choice porn or you.

  • My husband is very very affectionate, but it's to the point I feel like I'm being smothered! Sometimes literally. Most of the time our apartment is a wreck because when he's home he just wants to lay in bed ALL THE TIME with me and I can't get anything done. Nothing gets done. He's also very irresponsible. Today he used the debit card after I had specifically told him we have only 2 dollars and he bought something he could have waited for very easily. And he's got the only job he's ever kept more than a year (2 now), but he ignores me when I encourage him to be ontime to work. He's late almost everyday and he's already been warned. He claims he wants to do the things I like doing, but everytime I bring something up there's some reason he can't or he makes me feel like he thinks it's not fun or stupid. To be honest I'd say on a scale of 1-10 my marriage is about a 1! I'm miserable most of the time. We've been to counseling and marriage seminars and talked to couples one on one and nothing helps. We pray together and have Bible Studies, but life is miserable for me and I'm at a loss of what to do.

  • My wife is a wonderful woman, loving, caring, compassionate. But since you asked the question, what is one thing I would change about her is this, that she would be a better house keeper. Better yet, that she would simply do anything about keeping house. There, I said it, now it's out in the open and off of my chest.

  • my husband and i have been married for about 3 year snow and have a beautiful little baby girl. We found out i was pregnant about 6 weeks after we were married ( i was 4 weeks along ! ) and it has been a wild ride ever since. I love my family, but i don't call them and give them a play by play of my day or tell them how my dr's appointments etc. go.. I'm kind of a private person. My husband on the other hand is a BIG momma's boy. he is the only child and super super close with his parents. in fact, they live just a few houses down from ours. This is a second marriage for both of us. his parents cll us when we get home late at night or if they dont see the lights on they'll call wanting to know where we're at. they go to the same church we do, his parents ride along with him when he goes on a day trip out of town for work….. and then he turns around and makes comments about other guys needing to cut the cord with their mommies !!!!! I think if he would step back and see himself he'd realize that maybe he needs to cut the cord too instead of just stretching it. I just want the man that i dated back, because i honestly don't know if i love the man that i have now the way i should as a wife. I do love him but i think it's like a friend. I don't want to end up divorcing because i want more for my daughter, but we can't keep going like we are. i'm miserable all the time, and i am begining to think we've made a horrible mistake by getting married. please help.

  • Well, what I would like to change about my wife? For starters, a sex drive. I keep asking and keep being told no. After about 2 years, I cannot bring myself to even ask anymore. My male ego and curage to ask is dead. I did ask after about 8 months of no sex and all I get is "why would I do a fool thing like that?". I love her and keep doing all the things she asks me to do and things that I know she want me to do. I do not expect to get anything out of this, but I do them out of love for her. We are really good friends, but she HATES sex wiyh me.

  • Andrea,
    I really feel for you, You are not the only one with a husband who does not express his needs and wants. I love my husband dearly. We have been married for 30 years, and despite trying many ways to help him feel free to express his needs and wants, I am still "in the dark" most of the time about what I can do to help make my husband's life easier and more staisfying. He just doesn't share with me ( or any one else for that matter) what he needs. It is very frustrating to want to be a good helpmate when your mate will not communicate his needs and wants. I would encourage you to seek some counselling that will help the two of you truly and thoroughly communicate with each other. I think if I had insisted on that earlier, I would feel much more confident that I am a good wife, and my husband would have his needs (whatever they may be) better met.

  • After many years of marriage, I love my husband so much, but there are some things that are repeatedly painful for me, and have kept our relationship from being all it could be ( distancing himself form me, and pornography being among them), I think everything could be dealt with, if he would A) Truly trust and open up to God and develop a relationship with Jesus. and b) Open up to me, share his inner self, and allow me to be a real partner and helpmate to him.

  • This is to much…Me and my husband we being together for 11yrs. theres something that i will change about him, he love to watch porn a 70% of the time that we are going to make love. At first i used to get mad at him, but now i just dont care.I let him watch that because i just find out that he was unfaithfull to me and i think it was because i didnt let him watch that. I feel like he needs to watch that just to be with me. And its not that i dont look ok, because i take good care of me, I take care of me like the first time we met. So… take care of my hair, i dress nice for him even in the house,even dow if were not going out. I really dont know what to do, maybe its me, hes not interest in me anymore. I dont know what to do…Please help before this come to an end… 🙁

  • I would like him to look within himself and to the Holy Spirit, to see how God would like to shape him, and just submit. I am learning Godly submission to him and the Lord and I think that it would be nicer if my husband could do the same.

  • My prayer is that my husband will come to have a personal relationship with Christ. Right now he attends church for about one hour a week and thinks that is it for the week. He does not udnerstand the need to be accountable to other Godly men and has no desire or care in the world to be in a couple BIble study to get close to other christians and to become friends with anyone other that the people he works with at a Federal prison that donot have any Godly goals or principles. It is destroying our marriage and he will notleave the church he has attended since birth even though the Holy spirit is lacking and worship is void. The bible is taught but only to a degree. He had never heard of "Born Again" until he met me and just does not understand that there is a real difference in how a true christian is to live. The issue that contributes to this is that his parents live literally 150 ft from our house and attend the same church…forever and the church is across the street from our house. I see that it is a convenient way to attend but there is no commitment to Christ and how He wants us to be as a married couple, only about how he has lived his entire life. He is living a learned behavior and not a true fellowship with Christ.

  • If I could change one thing? That would be if my covenant husband will come to the realization that he is in adultery and that his soul will perish if he does not repent and leave the adulterous woman he is with.

  • In reply to Denice- My husband got us in several thousands of dollars of credit card debt. We first started using them occasionally then he decided to use them all the time to get "reward points". He had 3 credit cards that were only in his name, not both of ours. We ended up filing for bankruptcy this past February. Now he found another way to get in debt- and get what he wants now not saving. He works at a VA hospital where they have a payday debit card. He gets snacks, breakfasts and stuff there.. I tell him I will not cosign for another loan. He borrowed against his retirement TSP a few yrs ago to pay off the vehicle tags and our credit cards. They take out $180 out of each paycheck til 2012. He says he's going to get another loan. So know you are far from alone in dealing with husband/financial problems.

  • I'm so sorry, and I know just how you feel. Although my husband is ONLY an adulterous, betrayer and cheater. I could no longer accept it. I admire you for being able to hang in there. Does he want to get any help?

  • You both need to read the book, The Five Love languages by Garry Chapman and then talk about each others love languages. Great book and it works with every person we come in contact with to get along better with them.

  • Nothing is ever good enough…but he never wants to do anything to improve the quailty of our life. He is mean and has no sympathy for anyone. I try to change my the color of my hair and buy different dresses to get him to want me again . He always tells me he wishes i looked like I did when he first met me and it breaks my heart a little more each time. I never thought in a million years it would end up this way and that marriage would be this hard. It's a never ending battle and I'm tired but he is my best friend and I still love him.

  • I wish my husband paid as much attention to me as strangers did..he doesn’t have sex with me often enough and is not affectionate enough.. He knew when I met him how much I needed sex alot and to be touched and told nice things but men always tell you they have the same thing in common with you in the beginning but that changes.. I realize we’ve been married for 10 Years and I’m not new and exciting because of this but why not make it new sometimes.. I’m the only one who initiates everything !!!!!

  • His insecurities that keep him needing validation to feel significance.
    This blocks any opportunity for him to provide a safe environment for me to be able to speak of my needs or goals or, him to be available to be my team mate and playmate.

    But honestly, it’s not my job to make a person feel secure…that is his responsibility. Just not really sure how to explain this to him without him getting more insecure. UGH.

  • I adore my husband but over the last 4 yrs we’ve been married, I’ve lost respect for him. He does not follow thru. He starts something 65 times. I realize I can’t change him. But when I try to encourage him on the things he “says” he wants to do, he calls me controlling. He wants me to trust him, but I don’t because of it. I can’t rely on him. That one thing leaks into sooooo many areas of our relationship.

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